he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
