Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
