We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
