that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
