I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
