so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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