my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
i think im in europe. pls send help
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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