You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
