You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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