Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
