I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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