We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
But break dance skills will only take you so far
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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