This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
