I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
