I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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