Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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