What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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