i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
