two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
