i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
