doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
