I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
