My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
