lets start a swedish sibling band together
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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