I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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