totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
