What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I looked at my own cervix.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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