I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Randomize
