I think im going to throw up on grandma
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
