Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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