I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
