I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
