Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Found the puke drawer
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
