Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
