I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
