oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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