I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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