I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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