I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Randomize
