i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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