i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
