We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
