are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
