if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You are a genius and a whore.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
