the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
