I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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