all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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