Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
