one might say we're banned from that church
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
