New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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