This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
