i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
