I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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