i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
